


No Strings On Me

by superallens



Category: Glee, The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Barry deserves better, Depression, Implied Sexual Content, Len doesn't know Barry is The Flash, M/M, Recreational Drug Use, Sebastian Smythe is Barry Allen | The Flash, Sebastian is an asshole, like wow chill out dude
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-12
Updated: 2016-08-28
Packaged: 2018-08-08 07:39:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,425
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7749040
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/superallens/pseuds/superallens
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Barry just wanted to be happy, but his past keeps getting in the way. When the Rogues cause havoc in Central City, Barry lets his past as Sebastian Smythe catch up with him, allowing him to go undercover as a Rogue. How far will Barry/Sebastian be able to go until their plan blows up?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I enjoy reading fics about Barry|Sebastian so I was like hey, why not write one! This is my first time writing a fic for this fandom, so I apologize if it isn't all too great. I promise it gets more interesting (I've written more of the ending than I have the beginning... whoops). Len shows up in the next chapter, be patient with me! This isn't edited at the moment.

Barry was fine. 

That’s what he had kept telling himself as he laid in the dark, staring up at the white ceiling. His breaths were jagged as he tried to keep a steady pattern going, but failed. He squeezed his eyes shut as he felt hot wetness kiss his cheeks. Tears rapidly rolled down his face as his hands had began to shake against his sheets. 

He was fine. 

Except he wasn’t. 

Barry wasn’t sure when it happened, but he felt like his life was slowly crumbling to pieces. He was able to keep it together, keep the pieces glued just enough so he could convince Cisco, Caitlin, Joe, Iris, or anybody he knew that he was fine. But he wasn’t and that was a fact that he swallowed rather quickly. 

Barry let his hands run down his face before he turned over onto his side, letting the last of his tears soak into the casing of his pillow. 

He knew a simple solution to this, he knew what he could do the second he realized how quickly his life was falling apart. He knew that if he just let himself slip out of control and let himself go like he did all those years ago back in high school, he could eventually get better. 

He promised himself after high school that never again would he let himself slip. Never again would he let out Sebastian Smythe.

**

Barry fiddled with the hem of his sweater as he walked into S.T.A.R. Labs the next morning. His posture straightened and his shoulders relaxed the second his eyes met with the back of Caitlin and Cisco’s heads. 

It was almost a game of some sort- seeing how well he could pull of the show that day. Seeing how well he could fake his emotions and see how well he could trick his friends. To see if there was even a little bit of the actor he once was left in him. 

“Hey, Barry,” Caitlin smiled as Barry entered the cortex. 

“Caitlin, hi!” Barry replied as he forced a smile on his face. “Just thought I’d drop by before I had to go to the precinct, see what was going on.”

“You’re not missing much dude, Caitlin and I were just comparing our high school test scores,” Cisco stated from his place behind the computer.

“Now how’s that going?” Barry laughed. He really did question his friends antics sometimes.

“Caitlin’s got me beat on the ACT but I kicked her ass in Physics.”

“I told you, I was sick that day!”

“All I hear are excuses,” Cisco smirked up at Caitlin. “Barry! You should get in on this!”

Barry’s heart stopped before it began to beat out of his chest. He couldn’t have his friends find out about Sebastian, about his high school life, about anything in that period of his life in general. They’d never look at him the same- he was sure of it.

“Nah, it’s fine, I should get going anyways.”

“C’mon, it will be fun! Caitlin agrees with me on this one, right, Caitlin?”

“I actually do.”

“No, it’s-”

“Pulling up your records right now,” Cisco declared, cutting Barry off. Barry’s heart sunk in defeat as he waited for the inevitable look to cross onto Cisco’s face.

“Huh, that’s weird,” Cisco frowned. “Says you don’t have any records.”

“Maybe he skipped high school?” Caitlin asked.

“No, we would’ve known about that if he did.” Cisco mumbled as he clicked away at the computer. “I probably just missed something. I’m gonna run facial recognition through the server, save us a bit of time.”

Barry buried his head into his hands, knowing exactly what was coming next.

“Dalton Academy, who knew Barry Allen was a preppy private school boy? But Ohio, really? Why not just stay in Central,” Cisco’s voice faded as he scrolled through Barry’s records. Caitlin was standing behind Cisco’s chair so she could follow along on the computer.

“Wait,” Caitlin’s brows furrowed. “Scroll back up.”

“Guys, it’s fine, we can continue this later or something cause I really-”

“Sebastian Smythe?” Caitlin read the name with an obvious inflection of confusion written in her voice. Cisco leaned closer to the computer as if it would help his decipher the predicament at hand. 

“Sebastian Smythe, captain of the Lacrosse team and leader of the Dalton Academy Warblers. No, this can’t be right, right?” Barry looked down at his beaten up Converse, taking in a shaky breath. He had no idea how he was keeping it remotely together at that moment, but he was glad he was.

“No, that’s right,” Barry murmured as he looked up at the duo in front of him. Caitlin had taken the mouse from Cisco and was skimming through Barry’s files.

“Dave Karofsky Foundation, Scandals,” Caitlin started naming random words off the file.

“Stop,” Barry whispered under his breath as his gaze shifted back down to his shoes.

“Blaine Anderson and a slushy,” Barry felt his chest getting tighter.

“Hunter Clarington a suspect of Warbler steroid scandal with the assistance of fellow member, Sebastian Smythe.” With each memory he heard, Barry felt like a shot went through him. 

“He had really good grades though,” Cisco muttered, the energy in the room drastically different from the playful one is had been just moments before. 

“Barry-”

“I know, it’s bad,” Barry interrupted Caitlin as he looked back up at the two. “Just let me explain.” 

Barry looked at his watch to see how much time he’d have. Certainly not enough. He took out his phone and sent out a quick text to Joe, stating that something came up at S.T.A.R. Labs and to tell Singh that he caught the stomach bug or something. Joe replied a few moments later with an okay, but wanted an explanation later.

Barry stuck his phone back in his pocket as he walked over to the long table and sat down in one of the seats. He sighed as he let his elbows rest on his knees and cradled his face in his hands. His hands dragged down his face before looking his friends in the eyes.

“Sebastian isn’t me.”

“Dopplegänger!”

“Then why does he look just like you? Same age, same face, same everything?”

“Would you guys just let me explain?” Barry snapped. Barry hated talking about that part of his past with anyone and avoided it at all costs. The reopened wounds from his past certainly weren't helping his already bad state of mind. 

“How do I explain this, um… well basically when I was younger I was bullied a lot and, as it would with any young kid, it really took a toll on me. I felt weak, degraded… _humiliated_. I was Henry Allen’s crazy son, the one who saw yellow lightning to try to cover up his dad’s murder. I knew none of what they said was true, but it still hurt me so much.”

“When I was about fifteen, I decided enough was enough. I couldn’t take the pain anymore, I didn’t want to feel like I was dying on the inside. So Sebastian Smythe was born when I got a full ride scholarship to a prestigious boarding school in Ohio. I wasn’t gonna go, but Iris told me it would be good for me. So I went.”

“It was everything I wanted, everything I wished it could be! I got a clean slate and not a single person knew who I was. I could be anybody I wanted to be and nobody would be of wiser. Eventually, it got to my head and I became somebody I told myself I would never become. I played dirty, I made people cry, I wanted people to worship me. God, I even almost made Blaine Anderson lose an eye!” Barry bowed his head in shame. Tears began to well in his eyes.

“It wasn’t until the Dave thing that I realized the damage I had done. I almost made a kid kill himself. Everyone told me it wasn't my fault, that I didn't know that he was insecure about his sexuality. But I was the one who was being an asshole when I turned him down.”

“From that moment on, I made sure that Sebastian Smythe stayed in the back of my head, that he would never again return, even if it would make things in my life be easier.” Barry began to trail off towards the end as he wiped at his face. The room stayed silent for a few moments before Barry felt a pair of thin arms wrap around him. 

Barry didn’t move as he let Caitlin hold him for a split second. He let out a shaky breath before breaking away, letting himself sink into the chair he was sitting in.

“I’m sorry.”

“You don’t need to apologize to us, you didn’t do anything to us. You’ve been nothing but honest and it took a lot of guts to tell us that,” Caitlin softly replied. Cisco let his head rest on one hand before turning to face Barry. 

“So you have multiple personalities?”

“Kind of but not really? Sebastian is kind of just like a secondary personality. He’s in my head, he always is, I’ve just gotten better at ignoring it.” Barry fiddled with his hands as his gut twisted and wrenched against him. 

“When do we get to meet him?”

Before anyone else in the room could say anything, Barry’s phone’s ringer echoed through the room. Barry fumbled as he retrieved his cellphone from his pocket and peered at the caller ID— Joe.

“Joe,” Barry stated as he answered the call. He slowly started walking towards the corner of the cortex, as if that would give him more privacy.

“Singh keeps asking me where you are, is everything okay?”

Barry sighed as he let his shoulder rest against the wall. He promised Joe and Iris that he would stop lying to them, that he would go to them if he ever got bad again. “Not really, no.”

The silence was heavy as Joe waited for Barry to elaborate.

“Caitlin and Cisco,” Barry breathily started. “They found out about Sebastian.”

Barry could see the image of Joe in his head as if the man were actually standing in front of him- eyes bugged out, a slow exhale and a single hand on his hip.

“I’ll tell Singh about your stomach flu. If you need anything, just call me or Iris.”

“Thank you”

“No problem son. Don’t let it get to you too much. I gotta go, I’ll see you at home later.”

“Bye.” The dial tone buzzed in Barry’s ear before he slipped it back into his pocket. 

Barry wasn’t necessarily sad that his friends found out. He wasn't angry either. He just felt… hollow. This whole event was just the icing on top of the cake, but it really didn’t make what was already bad worse. 

***

Everyone stayed silent for a few hours as they meandered about, minding their own business and doing their own work. 

Since Barry had the day off now, he went around doing miscellaneous tasks, such as cleaning the already spotless staff room and walking around the whole main level to make sure everything was in it’s proper place. By the time he finished all this, two hours had passed. 

Cisco was working at his desk when Barry plopped in his seat. Cisco tinkered with whatever he was working on as Barry pretended to be interested in whatever was on his phone. He watched as the minute hand moved closer and closer to noon. Once it finally hit, he abruptly stood up from his seat and walked towards the exit.

“Told Iris I’d meet her at Jitters during her lunch break, I’ll be back later.” And with that, Barry sped out of the room before either of his friends could reply.

 

***

Barry sat at their usual table at Jitters, nursing a hot Flash in his hands. He stared blankly out the window, watching blurs of people pass by.

Each person who passed had a story, a life, that Barry knew nothing about. The young woman with the beige pencil skirt with her phone pressed in between her ear and shoulder and a file tucked under her arm was probably running late to work. The teen with the burgundy hoodie with his hands in his pocket was probably cutting class. The toddler holding her mother’s hand as they slowly walked the sidewalk was probably babbling to her mother about her latest adventures at daycare. Everyone that passed had different demons plaguing them and Barry couldn't help but wonder what they were.

Barry was ripped out of his thoughts when he saw his best friend slip into the seat across from him, a mug in her hands. 

“Hey, Barr,” Iris smiled. Barry attempted to smile back, but it came out as more of a grimace. The two caught up on office drama and anything interesting that had happened to either of the two since they last saw each other. 

Iris did most of the talking. Barry stared out of the window as he thought about the incident that occurred this morning. The situation was already beginning to haunt him and it had only been a few hours. He could feel himself getting pulled away in his head, but Barry fought to stay in control. 

“Then he was like, yeah sure, and I couldn’t help but think-”

“Sebastian’s coming back.” Barry said monotonously as he continued to stare out of the window, cutting Iris off. His eyes flickered to the girl in front of his, a look of shock spread across her face.

“You’re joking, right?”

“Caitlin and Cisco found out, I feel him pulling me away again.” Iris paused for a beat before placing her hand on top of Barry’s.

“Do you want him to come back?” 

“No! He ruined my life, Iris. He took almost five years away from me, five! I won’t let him take away more, I refuse.”

“Then don't let him.”

“When you put it like that, it sounds so simple,” Barry muttered under his breath. “I’m trying so hard to keep him away, but the pull is getting stronger and stronger each day.”

Iris sighed. It pained her to see her best friend like this. She was there when he came back from high school, when he had finally rid himself of Sebastian. It took some time, but together they were able to pick up the pieces from the mess that was left behind.

“You know, maybe it wouldn’t be such a bad thing.”

“Are you crazy?”

“Barry, you’ll never be able to conquer your fears unless you face them head on. I just want you to be happy, and maybe accepting that Sebastian is a part of you will help with that.”

Iris had a point. After high school, Barry had shut a part of him down. He was ashamed of that part of him, afraid of it. He believed that that part of him was a monster that should never be unleashed.

Barry knew that Caitlin and Cisco wanted to meet this other half of his. Even though Cisco was the only one to verbalize it, he knew that Caitlin was intrigued. Barry knew what he had to do.

Barry gulped as he stood up from the table. 

“I-I have to go.”

“Are you going to show Caitlin and Cisco?” Barry nodded. Iris stood up, walked around the table, and pulled Barry into a hug. She knew how hard this was going to be for him, just not to what extent.

“Let me know how it goes.” Barry gave Iris a half smile before he walked out of Jitters. 

***

“You’re back early,” Cisco said as he took a gulp from his slushy. Barry stepped in front of the two scientists without saying a word. 

“You okay?”

“I know you guys want to meet him, so I talked to Iris about it and she made me realize that I need to stop running for once. I’m never going to be able to accept this unless I face it head on… I can’t be afraid of him anymore.” The two friends stayed silent as they watched their friend walk away from them towards the center of the room.

Barry took a few deep breaths as he stood in the center of the cortex. He let out one last final exhale whilst shaking out his hands before squeezing his eyes shut. 

He felt the rush of energy pass through his as he felt his subconscious slip to the place that once occupied Sebastian. Barry still had control of the situation, but he was loosened up just enough to let Sebastian come through. 

Sebastian blinked open his eyes before adjusting his posture. His posture was a lot better than Barry’s and the room was filled with a new energy as he took in his surroundings. He walked around the cortex, letting his hands drag against the foreign objects. It was weird for Sebastian to be back in the front, but he wasn’t complaining. 

“Not bad. Still don’t see what the hype about this place is,” Sebastian announced before pivoting on his heel to face Caitlin and Cisco, who were still seated promptly at their stations. Sebastian smirked before making his way over to the long table.

“Caitlin, Cisco, heard-well seen- a lot of you both. Because you know, I watch Barry’s life like a movie in the back of his head in a way,” Sebastian’s smirk grew wider as he drew circles with his finger on the table. “That kid could really win an Oscar for Best Dramatic Performance. He cries a lot, you should check into that.”

The duo gaped at Sebastian as the man continued to examine the room around him. He stopped in front of the Flash suit before turning to Cisco. “Really do love the suit, red has always been a good color on me.”

Sebastian blankly blinked at the both of them before a playful frown made its way on his face. “What? Cat’s got your tongue? I’m hurt that neither of you have even said a hello to me. I’m not that awful. Well that’s what all the boys say when we are-”

“Alright then! Hi, Sebastian, nice to finally meet you,” Caitlin smiled as she walked towards Sebastian with an extended hand. Sebastian raised his eyebrow before accepting the gesture and shaking her hand.  

“Nice to meet you too, Frosty.” Sebastian waited a beat before continuing. “Now, San FranCisco, Barry says that you were rather eager to meet me, yet you stay planted in your seat?” 

“This is… woah.” Before Cisco can say anymore, his computer pinged, indicating that something was up in Central City.

The second he had heard the ping, Sebastian’s eyes shut and his shoulders noticeably slumped. You could tell that Barry was pushing his way to the front. 

Barry walked towards Cisco until he was standing behind him, peering at the computer. “Sorry about him, he’s kind of an asshole.”

“Kind of?” Cisco retorted with a quirk of an eyebrow. “Robbery taking place on 7th and Smith, has Cold’s name written all over it.” 

Cisco began typing away at his computer to get all the information he needed to help Barry in any way he could through the heist. Caitlin quickly joined him, gathering up her own information. She looked up at Barry as he flashed into the scarlet suit.

“Don’t think we aren’t talking about this later!”

“Wouldn’t expect anything less.” With that, Barry was out of the cortex and in front of the scene in a flash.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave me a comment or something if you liked this! I'd love to hear your feedback.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Flash and Captain Cold duel, Team Flash comes up with a plan, and Sebastian puts it into action.

“Well, if it isn’t the Scarlet Speedster,” Cold drawled out as Barry skidded to a stop in front of the criminal. Snart leaned against a pillar as he laid his hand on top of his cold gun. 

“Don’t ask surprised, Cold,” Barry snarled. “This is your fifth heist in two weeks! Doesn’t it start to get boring?”

“No, I love the chase, the thrill of it all. And you, Scarlet- you make it more interesting.”

“Look, I’m not really in the mood for this game tonight. So I have a proposition for you.”

“Barry, what are you doing?” Cisco asked through the coms. Barry ignored him. 

“You can leave right now and I’ll let you go. Or, you can try and steal whatever it is you are trying to acquire and have our biweekly showdown,” Barry stated as he walked closer to Cold. “Your choice.”

“Hm, you make a good offer, Flash,” Cold said before letting his face go deadpan as he stared at Barry straight in the eye, pulling his gun out of the holster and aiming it towards the speedster. “But the thing is, there are no strings on me.”

Barry heard the cold gun whir to life and barely avoided the first shot aimed towards him. 

“Really?” Barry sighed before zooming over to Cold. This was going to be a long night.

***

It was the next day and Cold had escaped by the skin of Barry’s teeth. All day at the precinct, Barry couldn’t help but kick himself as he ran tests from the crime scene. He was _so_ close, but not close enough. 

But now, Barry was in the cortex with Cisco and Caitlin. They had decided that enough was enough, they needed a real plan as to how they could take down Captain Cold, rather than just going in blind and hoping for the best. 

Cisco sat in his swivel chair, which was placed in front of the white board, Caitlin stood next to him, and Barry stood in front of the white board with a blue marker in his hand. The speedster uncapped it and began to write on the board. Once he finished writing, he turned back to his friends and sighed.

“Any ideas?” Barry asked as he recapped his dry erase marker. On the board he had written _Conquer Cold_ , because lets face it, alliterations make things a lot more fun. 

“We can try to counteract Cold and Heatwave’s guns again?” Caitlin suggested.

“No, they wouldn’t be dumb enough to make the same mistake twice. They're criminals, we gotta think like criminals, think outside of the box.” Barry tapped the pen against his hand, as if the steady thumping of the pen would help his thought process move along.

“I may have a really bad idea,” Cisco states with a nervous look coated on his face.

“How bad is bad?” Caitlin asked. 

“Recruiting Sebastian bad.” Barry stared wide-eyed at Cisco. He had only just starting letting Sebastian come out again, how could he even trust him with someone like Cold? “It might not be as bad of a plan as you guys think, just, let me explain.”

“Shoot.”

“As we all know, Barry is a speedster. Since Barry and Sebastian share the same body, that leads to Sebastian hypothetically being a speedster as well. With a little bit of training, we could easily get Sebastian up to speed with Barry. We can then use Sebastian’s ability and Cold’s lack of knowledge to the Flash’s identity to our advantage. Cold already knows Barry’s personality but he doesn’t knows Sebastian’s, so what I was thinking is that we can have Sebastian get buddy buddy with Cold and have him become an inside source with the Rogues.”

“It’s not that bad of an idea, as long as Barry’s okay with it.” Caitlin and Cisco turn to Barry as Barry sets the pen down.

“It really isn’t my decision,” Barry frowned ever so slightly. “You guys can talk to him if you want.”

The duo in front of him looked at each other and exchanged silent words before nodding. Barry gave them a curt nod before shutting his eyes and letting Sebastian come through.

“Yeah, yeah I heard everything you said, just show me a picture of the guy. Those goggles of his don’t let me see his face.” Cisco rolled his eyes as he pulled up a few pictures of Snart. Sebastian let out a low whistle as his eyes raked the screen.

“Sign me up, I say we get this plan rolling tonight,” Sebastian said, his eyes never leaving the screen. To say Sebastian was captivated by the criminal was an understatement. 

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” Caitlin asked.

“Oh Frosty, it’s adorable how you care for me. Trust me, I’ll be fine, more than fine.”

“Caitlin’s got a point, you’ve never tapped into the speed force before, let alone done work on the field.”

“What, like it’s hard?” Caitlin and Cisco gave Sebastian a look before the speedster rolled his eyes. “Look, if the uncoordinated, klutzy Barry Allen can do it, than I am more than qualified to take on this task.”

“I don’t like this kid,” Cisco muttered under his breath as he typed away on his computer. Sebastian stared blankly at the other man.

“Fun. I don’t like you either,” Sebastian said. “But if this is gonna work, I’m just gonna have to play nice.”

Caitlin rolled her eyes as she walked away from her bickering friends. _Men_.

***

Sebastian walked into Saints & Sinners that later night with an extra dose of confidence. Word on the street was that Snart made an appearance at the bar every Thursday night, much to Sebastian’s satisfaction.

Sebastian adjusted Barry’s jacket on himself as he headed towards the bar. All of Barry’s clothes were very bland for Sebastian’s taste, so he settled with a red bomber jacket paired with a black button up. Simple, but effective. 

Caitlin and Cisco had made Sebastian an ID so he’d freely be able to order drinks without the chance of getting exposed this early in the game. He ordered his drink as he slid into one of the bar seats and waited.

As he waited, he let himself take in the bar around him. It was no Scandals, but the place wasn’t all too bad, even if Sebastian was quite possibly one of the youngest people at the joint.

Half way into his second drink, Leonard Snart walked into the building like he owned the place. Well, the man probably did at this point if you really thought about it. But, the man walked with a cool swagger, like he was untouchable. Sebastian watched as Snart sat down at the very end of the bar and began chatting with the bartender. It looked that they knew each other quite well, as if they were work associates or even friends. 

Snart must’ve felt eyes on him, for his head slowly turned towards the speedster. The two made eye contact before Sebastian looked away, pretending to find the liquid in his glass more interesting. When Sebastian looked back up, the man’s icy blue eyes were already looking at him. The younger man smirked before looking around the room once more. 

After a few minutes of broken glances, Sebastian got up with two drinks in his hand and enough confidence to flood the room. He slipped into the empty seat next to Snart before sliding the drink his way. Snart caught the drink to keep it from falling off the table before slowly looking up at Sebastian. He stared blankly at the younger boy in front of him.

“Well if it isn’t Leonard Snart. I’m gonna be honest with you here, I’ve talked to plenty about you and I was like I don’t know who this Snart guy is, but apparently he’s sex on a stick and looks like a dream,” Sebastian let out a chuckle as his eyes took in the man in front of him. “And let me tell ya, I wasn’t too far off.”

“Aren’t you a bit young to be here? I’m sure it’s far past your curfew, especially for a school night,” Snart replied cooly, letting everything Sebastian say go over his head. A small smirk played on Sebastian’s lips— two could play at this game. He leaned forward so his face was only a mere few inches from the other man’s, their eyes locking in an intense gaze.

“Do I look like a student to you?” 

“I wouldn’t be asking if I didn’t.”

“Hmm, questioning my honor, alright,” Sebastian reached into his pocket and retrieved his ID. He silently thanked Cisco and Caitlin as he slid it across the table. Snart picked it up and lifted it in front of his face to compare the picture and the person in front of him. His lips tightened as he set the card down at the table once more.

“You’re pretty out there, Sebastian Smythe.”

“As are you. And your whole Rogues thing? Super hot.”

“I see. Vexing as well, aren’t you?”

“I’m known for being rather vexing, just depends on how you take it.” Sebastian lifted his drink up to his lips and gave a sly wink to Snart before taking a sip. The alcohol had no effect on him, but Snart didn’t need to know that. 

“What’s your game here?”

“I want in.”

“In?”

“You’re little group. You see, I’ve got my own special abilities from that particle accelerator,” Sebastian traced the rim of his glass with his index finger. “I’m a speedster like that little hero you guys have here in Central, the Flash do they call him? Hmm. I could probably beat him in a race.”

“Prove it, kid.” With that, a gust of wind blew against Leonard’s face. After a single blink of his eyes, the man was sitting back in front of him, this time bearing a gift. Sebastian twiddled with the ring in his hands. 

Little to Snart’s knowledge, Team Flash knew something like this would happen, so they arranged something with the local jeweler shop to make it look like a heist, but in reality, the ring was already paid for in advance. 

Sebastian let the ring fall on to the counter and pushed it towards Snart. “Easy, peazy, no strings attached.”

Leonard picked the ring up and inspected the ring. It was a fairly simple one, a silver band with a few small, blue stones littering it. The box had the _Monty’s_ on it, the jewelry shop from the other side of Central.

“Pretty, right? Reminded me of your eyes, Gorgeous.” Snart rolled his eyes as he flagged down the bartender to get the duo a new round of drinks.

“You’re the man straight out of the Flash’s nightmares, aren’t you?” Leonard asked as the drinks slid in front of them. 

“You could say that,” Sebastian’s smirk nearly turned into a smile. “But you, you are the man straight out of my dreams.”

Silence settled between the two as they both took long swigs from their drinks, Sebastian finishing his off with ease.

“So, what do you say?”

“I’ll think about it. We can meet here, discuss this tomorrow when we both aren’t a few drinks in.”

“How ‘bout I take you somewhere a bit nicer?”

“Don’t test me, kid.”

“Alright, here works just as well.” Sebastian smirks as he takes a few bills out of his wallet and places them on the counter. He may be an asshole but he wasn’t an inconsiderate asshole. 

Using his speed, Sebastian takes Leonard’s phone from his pocket, texting himself from it. When he felt the phone in his pocket vibrate, he placed it back in Cold’s pocket. The older man didn't seem to notice that the speedster had had his phone for a split second. 

Sebastian pushed himself out of his seat and began to walk away. He had only taken a few steps before stopping and turning his head to the side.

“If you staring at my ass as I walk away says anything, I’d say that you're interested in me too,” Sebastian let out a breathy laugh. “Bye, Captain.”

And with that, Sebastian left the bar. Once he knew the coast was clear, he sped back to S.T.A.R. Labs in a flash.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Len and Seb finally meet! Their relationship will be.. interesting.. to say the least. Thank you to everyone who commented on the last chapter! Each comment put such a huge smile on my face. I hope you guys enjoyed this one and feel free to comment any suggestions on what you want to see in the future. (sorry if the old end note shows up below this, I'm not sure how to get rid of it)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barry opens up and Len and Seb have a fun night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the part with barry is one of the first things I wrote for this fic :) and with seb and len.... i don't know what happened...

The second Sebastian made it into the cortex, Barry pushed his way forward and let his body fall to the ground. He groaned as he laid on his back, letting his hands run down his face.

“How did it go?” Caitlin asked. They decided not to use coms for this “mission” because if Cold found them they would be toast, leaving Caitlin and Cisco in the dark about what had occurred that night. 

“Depends who you're asking,” Barry said as he made no effort to get up.

“How did it go, _Barry_ ,” Caitlin said once more, addressing Barry in hopes of getting a more straight forward answer. 

“It went well, he got Snart to meet up with him again tomorrow, it’s just…”

“Just?”

“Sebastian takes things too far.”

“How so?”

“He told Snart that he thought he was sex on a stick.”

“Oh God.”

“Yeah.” Barry said as he pushed himself off the ground. “I’m pretty sure he also told him that Snart was the man of his dreams and that he thought the whole Rogues thing was, quote-unquote, super hot.”

“Holy-How are you and him the same person?” Cisco asked, genuine confusion portrayed on his face.

“We aren’t.”

“You get what I’m trying to say.”

“Yeah, yeah. I ask myself the same thing.” The trio drift into a flit of mindless chatter. They talked more in detail about what happened at Saints & Sinners and about ways to get out of worst case scenarios for tomorrow. Eventually, their voices slowly drifted away until the room was quiet.

The only thing that could be heard were Caitlin’s shoes clicking against the tile and Cisco’s shallow breaths. Barry had zoned off a while back when they were talking about how Barry could’ve possibly caused a Mandela effect at some point.

Barry was only brought out of his empty thoughts when he sensed his friends stop in front of him. He lifted his head up to make eye contact with them, his facial expression remaining neutral.

“Barry, we’ve been meaning to talk to you about something,” Caitlin stated, folding her arms across her chest. Barry raised his eyebrow, indicating for her to continue.

“Sebastian said you're sad?” Caitlin mentioned softly. Barry sat down on the step that led to Caitlin’s lab.

“I’m not sad.”

“Crying every night isn't something a happy person does. I’m not saying I trust everything your evil counterpart says, but you haven’t been yourself lately,” Cisco replied. Barry sucked on his lower lip as he felt his body shut down. His mind went numb as a rush of feelings flooded into him.

“It’s not that I’m sad… It’s just gotten to the point where it’s not worth it for me to be happy anymore. _Every time_ I’m starting to get happy again, something happens to mess it up. Like me and Patty, we were happy, she moved away. Iris told me she loved me, I changed the timeline. I trusted Wells, he ended up being the man who killed my mother. I trusted Jay or Hunter or whatever, he killed my dad,” Barry let out a breath he didn’t even know he was holding and stared at the wall in front of him.

“After the high of being happy leaves me, I just feel worse than I did before… What’s the point in being happy if I know that I’m just going to feel worse than I initially did? It’s just an endless cycle…” Barry trailed off. He fiddled with his hands before continuing. “Wells was right, I’m never going to be happy and there’s nothing I can do about it.”

“Oh Barry,” Caitlin whispered as she hurried over to wrap the speedster in her arms. He sighed as he let his body slump against the scientist. He was tired. 

“I’m just so tired. It’s just… I feel silly.” Caitlin gave him a look, one indicating for him to continue.

“I have a great life, I have you guys, Iris, Joe. I have a job. I have super powers for God’s sake! I really am not in the place to complain or be upset about my life when I have it better than so many people.”

“But do you really have it better if you feel this way?” Barry stayed silent as his eyes began to burn. 

“I should- I need to go. Make a few rounds and stuff… I’ve got work in the morning,” Barry murmured as he abruptly stood up. Before anyone on Team Flash could utter a word, Barry was gone, taking the Flash suit with him. 

The bitter, cold wind numbed Barry’s face as he sped around the city. The iciness of the air slapped against his cheeks, coursed through his veins. He felt numb as he made his runs around the city.

Once he triple checked to make sure all was well that night, he flashed into S.T.A.R. Labs, put his suit back on the mannequin, and made his way home. 

Once he made it inside of his apartment, he set his keys down in the little bowl next to the door and bee lined straight to the bathroom. He brushed his teeth and ran a hand through his hair as he stared at himself in the mirror. 

Barry looked tired. His eyes that were once filled with hope and optimism were now empty. His dark circles were deep and purple and his skin was ghostly pale. He ran the faucet, cupping his hands together to gather the cool water before splashing it on his face. He then looked up in the mirror once more.

Barry blinked blankly at himself as cool droplets dripped off his chin and into the sink. His hair matted against his forehead, causing his fringe to nearly poke at his eye. 

Barry shook his head before wiping his face off with one of his towels and headed off to his bedroom. He slipped out of his day clothes and into his night close before sliding into his bed. 

And if he stayed up most of the night, burning eyes blinking at the white ceiling, then only he needed to know that.

***

Sebastian was waiting patiently at the bar in the same exact seat that he was sitting in the previous night. He swished his beer around in its bottle, watching the liquid splash against the sides but never getting near the lip.

“Glad that’s over with,” Sebastian took a sip of his drink and listened intently to the music. Lady Gaga, Do What U Want, was pumping through the bar. One of the ladies at the bar must’ve finally convinced the manager to have a “Pop Divas” night since this genre of music would normally never be heard in Saints & Sinners.

“This song is a great song, do you like this song? I love this song,” Sebastian beamed before he tipped back his drink. He let the strong liquid coat his throat before making eye contact with Snart. “Care to dance?”

“Never pegged you as the Gaga type,” Snart drawled out. He looked at the glass in his hand before he looked back up at Sebastian. “No thanks, I’ll just watch.”

“Suit yourself,” Sebastian brushed off before making his way over to the small dance area. A few girls were bopping along to the music before Sebastian had joined them. 

Sebastian was enchanting. His long, lean body swayed melodically along with the music in a practiced, yet free, rhythm. His hips moved smoothly as his arms raised above his head. Sebastian’s eyes had fluttered shut as the music pulsed through him. 

A tall man Len had never seen before made his way behind Sebastian. The man’s blonde fringe dipped into his eye as he whispered something into Sebastian’s ear, his hand ghosted over the speedster’s hip. Len watched as Sebastian bit his lip and hold the man’s hand in place. 

“I’ve been watching you all night,” the blonde man whispered into Sebastian’s ear. 

“Oh really, blondy?” Sebastian smirked as he let his head rest against the taller man’s chest. He peered up at the man through his eyelashes. Sebastian had to admit, the man was pretty with his curly blonde fringe and hazel eyes, but he was obviously only a high schooler. 

“Really. ‘m Corey.”

“Corey... Sexy name for a sexy man. I'm Sebastian.”

“You flatter me, Sebastian.” Sebastian turned around so their two chests were pressed against each other. 

“What's your angle here, pretty boy?” Sebastian asked, his finger trailing down Corey’s chest. 

“Just looking for the man of my dreams on the dance floor” Sebastian quirked his eyebrow. This kid seemed like a sap.

“You’re not my knight in shining whatever.” Corey frowned at Sebastian, making the tall man look like an oversized puppy dog. 

“Awe, sweetie, this is about me, this isn’t about you,” Sebastian chuckled. 

“I’m not into the whole… touchy feely thing. So unless you wanna head off to the bathrooms for a quick fuck or something,” Sebastian whispered as his lips ghosted over Corey’s. “I’m not interested. This isn’t some Hallmark movie where you meet the love of your life at a bar you snuck into.”

“Wait, what?” Corey asked as Sebastian took a step away. 

“I _platonically_ want to have sex with you. No big deal.” Sebastian kept his laughter to himself as he watched the kid squirm. This was too fun. 

Before he could continue his teasing, he felt a presence behind him. Even though he had only known the man for a day now, Sebastian could recognize Len’s scent from a mile away.

“Hi, Snart! I’d like you to meet my new friend,” Sebastian said before turning around. “Snart, Corey. Corey, Snart. Corey and I might fuck!”

Len raised his eyebrows while Corey choked on his spit, gasping for breath as he stared wide eyed at Sebastian. Once the man caught his breath, he took a small step away from Sebastian. “I think I’m gonna go…”

“Awe, bummer. See you around, killer.” Sebastian and Len watched as the kid scampered away. The speedster’s shoulders shook slightly as laughter erupted through his chest.

“That was too fun.” Sebastian laughed as he took a step closer to Len.

“That was _cold_. I loved it.”

“Poor kid didn’t see it coming,” Sebastian sighed as he leaned against Len. “So, changed your mind about wanting to dance?” Len smirked at this.  

“Nope. What do you say we get outta here?” Len whispered, his hand grazing over Sebastian’s hip. 

“Alright. I’ve got smokes at my place.”

“Doesn’t that stuff just go straight through you?”

“It lasts for a good twenty minutes, takes longer for it to go through the system. ‘M not complaining.” Sebastian droned off. “So, what do ya say, you in?”

“I wouldn’t mind getting high right now,” Len stated. “Let’s go.”

***

Smoke circled around the two men as they sat against the wall of Sebastian’s balcony. Barry still hadn’t bothered putting furniture out there, even though he had been living at his apartment for a few months now.

Sebastian’s body slumped against the wall as he turned his head to the left to look at Snart. Sebastian always knew the older man was beautiful, but seeing him with the moonlight kissing his skin, eyes beginning to gloss over and pink lips puffing out smoke, he felt like he was watching a movie. 

Snart silently passed the joint to Sebastian as he let the smoke ease out of his mouth and into the air. Sebastian pulled his right knee up to his chest and let his chin rest on top of it as he raised the joint to his lips. He felt the smoke fill his body before he let out a familiar, shaky breath.

“So Snart, you do this often?”

“Not as much as I used to,” Len drawled out, looking forward towards the starless night sky. “I think we’re at the point where you can call me Len.”

“Len,” Sebastian tested. A small smile graced his lips before he took another puff of the joint. 

This motion went on for a while longer- each man taking a hit or two before silently passing it to the other. Sebastian had subconsciously shifted closer to Len, making passing the joint far easier than it had been before. The younger boy eyed the man next to him as he breathed in the smoke for at least the tenth time that night. He watched as the ember glowed a soft orange, only to sizzle out once the added pressure of Len’s lips was taken away. 

Len eyed the joint in his hand before he smushed it down on the plate in between him and Sebastian. Sebastian picked up the plate and placed it to his side as he slid into the place next to Len where the plate once occupied. Sebastian picked up the last joint on the plate and handed it to Len as he fumbled around his his pocket for the lighter. The joint hung out of Len’s mouth as he stared at Sebastian. 

The sight nearly took Sebastian’s breath away as he lifted his hand up to light the cigarette. The fire that lit the joint was everything Len wasn’t, it almost looked out of place. Len’s eyes fluttered shut as he inhaled the smoke once more, his fingers holding the cigarette in his mouth in place. Sebastian reached up and placed his fingers next to Len’s as the older man’s eyes slowly opened. 

Len let his hand fall down to his side, letting Sebastian take hold of the joint. Blue eyes met hazel as they spoke millions of words never to be said aloud. Sebastian shifted slightly and let his hand not holding the joint graze Len’s. He let his hand wander upward, letting it skim his covered arm as they never broke eye contact. Sebastian’s hand eventually found it’s place in the area where Len’s neck met his jaw. 

Len’s eyes flickered down towards the speedster’s lips, giving silent consent to the younger man. He watched as Sebastian’s eyes fluttered shut and let his own fall too. Their lips met almost instantaneously. 

It was slow and soft, the exact opposite of what Len expected kissing the speedster would be like. He had expected fast pace and heat, everything Len wasn’t. The forgotten cigarette had long since burned out as it was placed on the plate next to Sebastian. Sebastian’s freed hand made itself at home at the nape of Len’s neck as he urged the older man closer. Len’s hand was placed on Sebastian’s jaw as he hummed into the kiss. 

Sebastian disconnected their lips as he let out a shuddered breath. Their foreheads rested together, eyes still shut and breaths jagged and uneven between them. He let his hands drop from Len’s body before hoisting himself off the ground, picking up the plate in the process. He extended his free hand out to Len, only for Len to push himself off the ground as well. 

“I should get going,” Len curtly stated as he brushed his hands off. He felt relaxed, more so than he had in a very long time. Maybe it was the drugs coursing through his veins, or maybe it was Sebastian. Maybe even a nice mixture of both. 

Sebastian bit his lip before taking a confident step forward. He let his hand graze the older man’s before innocently looking up into his crystal blue eyes.

“Why so soon, old man? You’ve already missed the early bird special,” Sebastian’s hand feathered around Len’s wrist as he drew circles onto his palm. “I was thinking we could go inside and continue our… fun.”

Len leaned forward so his face was mere centimeters from Sebastian’s. He let his hand rest on the younger man’s hip before letting his lips ghost over Sebastian’s. He felt hot air puff against his lips before he casted his eyes upwards. “You mean this fun?”

Sebastian ran his tongue over his bottom lip, a small smile ghosting his lips. “Mhm.” 

Sebastian connected their lips once more for a mere second before he let their foreheads rest against each other.

“So what do you say, will you be the man of my dreams for the night?” With that, Sebastian took a step back from Len and walked into his apartment, leaving the sliding glass door open for the man to follow. 

One second Sebastian was leaning against the mantel in his living room and the next his back was against the wall with hot, wet lips against his. Sebastian’s arms immediately wrapped around Len’s shoulders with one hand thumbing at the fuzz at the nape of the older man’s neck. Len let his right hand snake up into Sebastian’s hair while the left found its way to the small of the younger man’s back, pushing him closer to himself.

Len’s hand raked through Sebastian’s hair, causing the speedster to shiver in response. Sebastian couldn’t remember the last night he’d been kissed like this. Probably when he was drunk of his ass at Scandals during his Dalton days, but that was besides the point. Kissing Len was better than every kiss he’d ever had combined and if Sebastian wasn’t going to take advantage of that, then well, he’d be an idiot.

Sebastian felt Len’s hand begin to move his sweatshirt off, calloused hands gripped at warm skin. As he nipped at Len’s bottom lip, Barry’s voice entered at the back of him mind, making him groan.

_“What are you doing?”_ Barry whispered in the back of his head, as if Len could hear him. 

_“I’m having a great time and getting us laid, you can thank me later,”_ Sebastian hissed back in his thoughts. Barry had said nothing after that point, so he assumed Barry had given a silent okay. Even if he had said no, it wasn’t like Sebastian was going to listen because _come on_ , has Barry not seen Leonard Snart?

Sebastian smirked at Barry’s silence before putting his full attention back to the man in front of him. He let one of his hands fall down to Len’s waist, pulling him impossibly closer. He felt Len’s teeth graze across his bottom lip, immediately soothing the bite with a swipe of his tongue. Sebastian opened his mouth to deepen the kiss, Len slipped his tongue into Sebastian’s mouth as if he’d done it thousands of times before. A low moan rattled in the back of the speedsters throat as he pushed the two off the wall, causing Len to move backwards.

“I say we take this somewhere a little bit more,” Sebastian breathlessly spoke between kisses. “Comfortable.”

“Sounds like something I can agree with,” Len huskily whispered as he walked backwards away from the wall. The world whirred around the two has Sebastian flashed them into his bedroom. 

“Finally, your powers come to some use,” Len smirked, speaking in his smooth drawl. 

“That’s only the beginning of them,” Sebastian laughed as he kicked the door shut, immediately reconnecting himself to Len. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whoops? this is my first time ever writing anything remotely like that (i normally write fluff and stuff) so sorry if it's literally 100% wrong. let me know what you thought of this chapter in the comments, i love hearing everyone's feedback!! suggestions are always welcome


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nora's funeral was sixteen years ago and Barry tries to cope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry that this is so late, i just really didn't wanna write the kitchen scene (thats why its so short whoops). i apologize in advance.  
> also!! school starts back up this week so i will try to post once a week or something like that :)

Barry woke up in the morning with a sharp pain in his back, a throbbing headache, and warmth encompassing him. He groaned as he rolled over to sprawl across his mattress, only to be met with a chest. 

Barry’s eyes shot open as he patted the chest in front of him. Memories of last night hit him like a truck as a deep red blush took over his cheeks. He attempted to escape the older man’s arms, only to be pulled closer to the body. The muscular thigh around Barry’s hip tightened as well, smushing the speedster against the crook. Len sighed before drifting back into a deep sleep.

_“You gonna help me out, Sebastian?”_

_“Nope, this is all you!”_ Barry squeezed his eyes shut, taking a deep, calming breath. It wasn’t fair that Sebastian got to have all the fun, but Barry had to take care of the aftermath. 

_“Come on!”_

_“Fine.”_ Barry momentarily let Sebastian slip to the front. Sebastian hoisted himself up so he could look at Len’s face. The crook looked so calm in his sleep, all the worries that his face held during the day vanished and was replaced by a peaceful look. Sebastian let a small smile grace his face as he cupped Len’s jaw in his hand. He leaned down and placed a soft kiss on Len’s lips. 

“Lenny, wake up,” Sebastian whispered, his thumb stroking Len’s jaw. Len groaned in response. Sebastian rolled his eyes before placing his lips on Len once more, only to have the older man reciprocate. And with that, Sebastian laughed to himself as he slipped to the back, making Barry move forward. Barry instantaneously removed his lips from Len and became hyperaware of what he was wearing, or lack there of. Len’s grip around the speedster loosened enough to let Barry roll away. 

Barry flashed out of his bed and changed into black flannels and a deep green henley. As Barry was searching around for his phone, he heard Len sit up in bed.

“You changed, pity. You really didn’t have to, I’ve already seen everything.” Barry gawked at Len before disappearing under his bed and grabbing his device. He unlocked the screen to reveal multiple missed calls from Cisco. _Shit._ As if on cue, his phone lit up again, Cisco’s contact flashing at him.

“Sorry, um, I- I have to take this? It’s for work. Uh, I’ll just,” Barry pointed towards the door and rushed out so he was now in his small kitchen. He paced as he slid the answer button.

“Hel-”

“Barry! Why haven’t you answered my calls?”

“I sort of have a- um- guest?” Barry stuttered, whispering the next bit. “Courtesy of Sebastian.”

“Don’t tell me it’s Cold.”

“It is.” Barry sighed. He heard his bedroom door open and watched as a sleepy Leonard Snart exited, a pair of Barry’s sweatpants hanging off his hips and one of his old sweatshirts he had laying on his desk chair on. “Look, I’ll catch you up later, I have to go.”

“Aw, hanging up business calls for me, how cute,” Len spoke monotonously as he slipped into one of the bar chairs. Barry gave Len a look before returning to his call.

“Yeah, yeah, I know the drill. See you later.” And with that, the call ended, leading to Barry setting his phone down onto the table. 

To say Barry felt awkward was an understatement. It was one thing to watch everything with Len unfold, but to have his nemeses in _his_ apartment sitting in _his_ kitchen was beyond weird for him.

Barry stiffly moved around the kitchen as he went about his morning breakfast routine. Len’s scrutinizing eyes burned through him as he put a piece of toast in the toaster. As Barry headed towards the bread box that held all of the bars Cisco created for him, Len cleared his throat. Startled, Barry turned with wide eyes towards the crook.

“Yeah? Do you need some- crap you’re probably hungry aren’t you? I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking, um, do you want toast? Eggs?” Barry babbled as he paced around his kitchen to see what food he had to offer the man. He had been meaning to go to the store, but he’d been eating take out more nights than not so he just hadn't gotten to it yet. 

“You regret last night, don’t you?” Len asked bluntly. Barry froze in his tracks. He knew he had to step up his game if he wanted the plan to continue going smoothly. Sebastian could only take over if him and Barry wanted him to, which he usually did, but Sebastian was finding humor in the whole situation. What an asshole. 

“No, no, I’m just not really feeling myself this morning,” Barry stuttered as he took some eggs out of the fridge. “It’s probably just the weed.”

“Wouldn’t that have gone through you alrea-”

“Shh,” Barry shushed Len. “Don’t ruin a good thing for me. I can’t get drunk, let me enjoy getting high.”

“Eggs are fine.” 

“Good.” Barry cracked an egg into a bowl, then another, then another. He whisked them all together with a fork so the yolks and the whites began one. After putting some salt and pepper into the mixture, he dumped it onto the greased pan and scrambled it all up.

Once it was done, Barry slid the eggs onto two plates and set a plate down in front of Len.

“What’s on the agenda today?” Barry asked as he leaned against the counter, taking a bite of his scrambled eggs.

“Wouldn’t you like to know.”

“I am a Rogue now, so if it’s Rogue business, it’d be pretty _cold_ of you to leave me out of the loop,” Barry faux pouted, amused at his own pun.

“Ha, ha.” Len said bluntly before taking a bite of his eggs.

“One of my friends, Iris, is stopping by later.”

“ _Astonishing_.” The timer for the coffee maker set off right after Len said his snarky reply. Barry rolled his eyes before he took two mugs out of his cabinet. After pouring some of the caffeine into the mugs, he headed for the fridge for some creamer because what type of monster liked their coffee black?

Before opening the fridge, he peered at his calendar. When his eyes reached the day’s date, his heart dropped. The scribbles on the date that he dreaded seeing each and every year shouted at him, taunted him, reminded him of everything he wanted to forget. 

Barry gulped and shook his head, willing for his emotions to go away. He’d deal with this later, when he didn’t have company over.

He opened the fridge and grabbed the creamer. A quiet sigh escaped his lips before he turned around and faced Len once more. Len eyed him as Barry poured the creamer into his coffee.

“You okay, kid?”

“You want any creamer?”

“You’re avoiding my question.”

“Like I said earlier, I’m fine,” Barry snapped. He grabbed Len’s mug and handed it to the older man before sipping his own. The hot liquid burned his tongue as he gulped most of it down in one long swig. A burnt tongue was the least of his problems at this point.

***

When Barry heard the door click shut, the smile on his face dwindled into a look of panic.  His hands began to shake as he let go of the door knob. He took sharp, labored breaths as he stumbled away from the door, sinking into the corner where the two walls that helped create the entry way met. 

Barry clutched his henley, lifting the collar of it up to his nose as he curled himself into a ball. He pushed himself into the wall, making himself as small as he could as his heart began to race. He felt his body tighten and burn as his eyes became bleary. He closed them tightly as his stomach turned.

“No, no, no,” Barry whispered to himself as he focused on his breathing. What made him think this was a good idea? That he could pull this off? That his mind could handle this all again?

When Barry shut Sebastian off a few years ago, he felt free, as if he had control over his life. But he was so used to not having to rely on himself that he broke down into something far worse than what he was today. Barry was so scared of losing a grip on his life once more that he didn’t even realize that he already had.

Barry’s fingertips tingled as shocks of cold ran through his veins. His head spun as he tightened his eyes even more, willing for the dizziness to stop, just wanting it all to go away. He felt hot tears spill down his face, contrasting to his cold, clammy skin. Every moment he wanted to forget about his life flashed before his eyes as he felt himself spiral. 

“I just- I,” Barry stuttered to himself, attempting to get a grip on reality as he pushed himself closer to the wall, his foot hitting the door in the process. His uncontrollable shaking made his body vibrate, causing his curled up body to look like a blur. 

He heard his phone ring from the kitchen, but made no attempt to go get it. He felt stuck as the ringing replayed over and over in his head. The ringing in his ears screeched as he took heavy, controlled breaths. He heard his phone buzz again, only to be followed by a knock on his door several seconds later. 

Assuming it was Iris, Barry cleared his throat before lifting his head slightly off his knees and out of his shirt. 

“It’s open, Iris.” Barry’s voice wobbled, barely clear enough to be coherent. Iris knew how to deal with Barry during these situations. He didn’t think Iris deserved to always have to deal with him, but the woman insisted that Barry didn’t have to go through it alone. She’d sit there on the couch with him for hours, his head resting on his lap as she ran her hands through his hair and rubbing soft circles into his back. 

The door clicked open, revealing a presence that he knew immediately wasn’t Iris. His heart pounded against his chest as he curled into himself impossibly tighter, his head resting against his bony knees and his teeth clenched against one of the buttons on the henley. 

“Dunno if you saw my text, but I forgot my- shit,” the voice stopped in their tracks as they stared at Barry. He felt the voice sit down next to him, immediately wrapping their arms around him. Barry’s face rested on the person’s collarbone as he lifted his hands up to cover his face. He recognized the soft texture of the sweater rubbing against his cheek- Len. 

“Fuck,” Barry’s voice shook. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”

Barry continued to mutter apologizes as his body quaked. Len’s body was stiff against Barry, as if the older man was trying to create a wall out of himself. 

“Do you need anything, kid?” Len asked softly. The older man was being so soft, so gentle, as if he was afraid of breaking the man next to him if he spoke too loudly. Barry gulped as he tried to get air into his lungs.

“P-Phone, kitchen,” Barry was able to choke out. He wrapped his hands around himself tighter once he felt Len slip away. Len returned moments later, setting the device next to Barry’s foot. Barry’s eyes creaked open ever so slightly as he reached down and held it in his shaky hands. He unlocked the phone, immediately clicking the little green phone tab and typing 1-3 into the keypad. Len stood to the side as he watched the younger man lift the phone to his ear.

Barry gnawed at his lower lip as he heard the dial tone ring in his ear, his heart pumping faster with anxiety. He heard a click and a muffle as Iris picked up.

“Barry?”

“Thirteen,” Barry croaked. “Thirteen.”

“Okay, okay, Barry, stay on the line with me, I’m on my way right now.”

“Okay.”

Iris rambled about anything and everything, making sure to keep Barry’s mind alert. Iris came up with the term ‘thirteen’ when she wasn’t home during one of Barry’s big episodes in high school. Barry had tried to call Iris and tell her what was going on, but he wasn’t able to coherently tell her what was going on- hence Iris creating a short term so she knew exactly what she needed to do.

“Are you alone right now?”

“No.”

“Can you tell me who’s with you?” Barry’s eyes squeezed shut as numbers sped through his mind.”

“Three.” S.T.A.R. Labs had created a number system for all the Rogues and/or bad guys the Flash went up against. The Man in Yellow was coined as One, for example. Iris knew all about the plan with Sebastian and getting inside intel. Hell, she was even helping Cisco design a suit for Sebastian. 

“For the Plan.” Iris stated softly as she realized what was going on. Iris’ office was only a block away from Barry’s apartment, so she was able to get there rather quickly. 

When the door opened, Barry let the phone fall out of his hands a clatter against the floor. He watched in a daze as Iris set her things on the side table before turning to Barry. Len stood quietly in the corner, observing the scene in front of him. 

“Oh, Barr,” Iris whispered. She squatted down next to Barry, wrapping him in her arms as he sobbed into her chest. 

“Do you think you can get up for me?” Iris whispered into Barry’s ear after a few moments. Barry nodded as he pulled himself away from Iris. The reporter kicked off her shoes as the broken boy in front of her loosened his grip around himself. Len felt out of place as he watched the duo in front of him. He couldn’t get himself to leave the man like this, he couldn’t just leave someone on his team in shambles without knowing what was going on. Just a half hour prior the two men were cracking jokes and flirting in the kitchen. Everything was fine, but he did notice a shift in the air when Sebastian looked at his calendar. 

Barry rested his weight against Iris as she counted their steps out loud until they made it to the couch. She arranged the pillows on the couch so one was sitting on the cushion and one against it, so Barry’s face was coddled by them. She whispered something into the speedsters ear, causing him to nod. The woman brushed her hair out of her face and made her way towards the kitchen. Len followed her.

As Iris got Barry a glass of water, Len looked at the calendar on the fridge. Over the date, there were angry scribbles littering the small space. He looked at it in confusion before walking over to Iris. 

“Does this happen often?” Startled by Len’s presence, Iris jumped, setting the glass of water down on the counter.

“Oh, sorry, I forgot you were still here,” Iris murmured as she turned towards the crook. “You must be Leonard. Iris. Seb has spoken highly of you.”

“He’s an interesting kid,” Len muttered as he leaned against the counter. 

“Yeah, he’s a special one. I’m assuming you were here with him this morning. Did you notice any sudden changes in his behavior at all? Anything that could’ve possibly triggered him?”

“He told me he didn’t… feel like himself this morning. And he looked at the calendar and started acting stranger than normal. I looked and theres only scribbles.” Iris’ eyes widened at that as she walked over to the calendar. She observed it before leaning her forehead against the paper.

“I can’t believe I didn't remember,” she whispered to herself as she walked back to the counter.

“Remember what?”

“His mom’s funeral was sixteen years ago today.” Len’s eyes widened slightly. Iris picked up the glass without a word and walked back over to Barry. Len watched from the kitchen as Iris set the glass down on the wooden table before slipping onto the couch at the very corner. The speedster laid still as she moved away the pillows and rested his head into her lap. The man’s eyes fluttered shut as the reporter ran her hands through his hair.

Barry let his tears fall freely down his face as he pretended that Iris was actually his mother. He imagined it was her hand smoothing his hair. He imagined that the shallow breaths he felt against his back were hers. He fought to remember what little of her he had left in that moment. 

Barry shifted so he was laying on his back so he could look Iris in the eye.

“Thank you,” he whispered softly with watery eyes. 

“She loves you, don’t ever forget that, Barr. Don’t ever forget that.” He nodded with rested eyes. His Adam’s apple bobbed as he gulped down the thickened saliva resting in his throat. 

Len slowly backed out of the kitchen. He made eye contact with Iris, silently saying he was going to go. She gave a slight nod before Len turned around and snuck out the door. He’d just have to get his coat another time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let me know if you liked this and what you'd like to see in the future in the comments! i love hearing everyones ideas and feedback.  
> (also, i am the type of monster who likes their coffee black)  
> (another add on, but if theres any typos or grammatical errors, I'm sorry, its late, i wanted to post this bc its been a while.. i really should just get a beta lol)


End file.
